Choose Life or Death in These Situations and We'll Guess at What Age You'll Die

Marie Hullett

Image: Fursov Aleksey / Moment / Getty Images

About This Quiz

We don't know about you, but some days, we feel like we can climb mountains, lift buses and totally school someone in a heated argument. Other days, even to lift a finger is difficult—not to mention endure the slow crawl of stop-and-go traffic or remain calm when your coworker incessantly discusses every nuance of  "The Bachelor: Season 22" and  21. You know what they say (or what they plaster on inspirational Pinterest boards): "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!" But how can you make lemonade when life gives you rotten lemons to begin with? 

Honestly, we don't know, either. But rather than spend the rest of our days irate, we decided to play a little game to see just how bad things can get. What if on top of traffic and annoying coworkers, you also had to cope with apocalyptic universes or worse, reruns of the same TV show for all eternity? What about soggy Brussels sprouts for breakfast, lunch and dinner? Yeah. We'd want to die, too. 

We'll be honest: The following quiz will pose some tough questions. Afterward, though, we'll have a pretty solid estimate for how long you'll make it in this world, even in the worst of times. Indeed, you can think of this just like Charles Dickens' "A Tale of Two Cities," except instead of it being "the best of times" and "the worst of times," it's literally just the worst, all the time. Sound good?! 

You just showed up to work naked, just like in your dreams—except yeah, this time, you really did it. Do you live or die?

The only TV shows and movies you can watch for the rest of your life are "Barney," "Barney's Great Adventure" and "The Big Comfy Couch." Nothing else. What do you do?

You either have to earnestly refer to yourself in the third person from here and out or exit the planet. What's your decision?

Would you rather have the rest of your life live-streamed online or die?

You can either A: live a long, healthy life but die in a tragically embarrassing fashion that makes international news headlines, or B: die this week. What will it be?

Would you rather live with a (non-threatening) human-size spider in your home for the rest of your life or die?

Would you rather be sentenced to life in prison for a crime you didn't commit or die?

After the robots take over, you miraculously become the last human on the planet. Would you rather subsume to their mechanical society or die?

From now on, your top 10 most-beloved foods will taste like your least-favorite 10 foods. Do you choose life or death?

Would you rather live with a splitting, nausea-inducing migraine, which painkillers won't help with, forever, or die?

From now on, you have to call everyone, from your teacher to your doctor to your mail person, "sweetie." Do you live or die?

Would you rather live on Mars all alone for the rest of your life or die?

Would you like to sound exactly like Spongebob Squarepants for the rest of your life or retire from this world early?

Would you rather live with ghosts that make fun of every little thing you do or die?

You just sprouted a furry tail, two dog-like ears and paws for hands and feet—and no, this doesn't involve a Snapchat filter. The doctor says there's nothing they can do to remove them. What do you do?

The only book you can read for the rest of eternity is "A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey. What do you do?

You either have to smell strongly of gasoline and horse manure for ever and ever, or die. What will you choose?

Would you rather be beaten up by the World's Strongest Man, Gregor Clegane (The Mountain from "Game of Thrones") every morning or die?

Unfortunately, your fate will eerily follow that of the "Black Mirror" White Christmas episode. That means you'll be trapped in an egg-shaped object for the foreseeable future, where you will have no choice but to work as a digital personal assistant. What do you do?

Would you rather survive an apocalypse and be one of the last three people standing or die quickly?

There's a viral video of you circulating right now. Finally, you're internet famous ... for attempting to steal a hamster, slipping and falling in dramatic fashion, and ultimately getting arrested. Yeah, not a good look. Now, do you live or die?

Would you rather live out the rest of your life as a house cat or die?

From now on, you'll have to spend Monday through Friday cleaning toilets with ONLY a toothbrush. What do you do?

Sorry, but you can only eat Brussels sprouts topped with assorted nuts (protein!) and mustard for the rest of your life. It's a bit weird, I know, but I'm afraid that's just the way it is. Do you live or die?

Would you rather be stuck in a Taylor Swift music video for the rest of your life or die?

From now on, after every sentence, you'll be compelled to yell, "Can you dig it sucka!?" just like Booker T. What do you do?

Unfortunately, you've just become the most hated person in the world. Yeah, it's a long story. What do you do?

The rest of your life must be lived out in your home via a virtual reality headset. What do you do?

Either you have to wear a giant tomato costume for the rest of your life or bite the dust. Tough luck. What do you do?

Would you rather live in the sewage tunnels from "It" with Pennywise or die?

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